Reset

I'm probably an idiot for not going to a doctor sooner. The pills he gave me are reducing the swelling in the muscles around my knee. I've ran three times in the past week without any pain. I had almost forgotten what that felt like.

On the down side, I've got to rebuild my milage slowly. I'm paranoid about hurting myself again, so I'm taking it slower with progression. I'm sticking to the miles I prescribed to myself before I run, regardless of how I feel. 

The half-marathon is still going to be incredibly difficult, no doubt about that. But I've got restored confidence. Mentally, I'm more focused on the run and not quitting.

Monday was a rainy, grey day. Most people hate those days, college students especially. All I heard was complaining about the weather, but as I was running that day, I couldn't help but smile.

I smiled because everything was beautiful. The grey sky only made the grass and trees look greener. The rain gave a fresh, wet smell to the outdoors. I couldn't ask for anything better.

People complain about the weather, but how can I complain when I know God created it to be beautiful? 

I'm terrible at this

It's been a good month since I last updated. I should really work on doing better at this thing. Anyway, so what's happened in the last month?

Basically, my running has gone from minimal to somewhere less than minimal. A lot of that has to do with my knee, which I finally went to the doctor for, but more on that later.

Since my muscles started giving out on me, my "mental toughness" to push myself on a run has gone to the junkyard. Even running just three miles is challenging right now. I guess I fell out of the habit. Today as I write this, I haven't ran in a week. There's less than 3 weeks until the half-marathon. It's going to be ugly. 

I'm still doing it though. Maybe almost as punishment for not running, not pushing myself. I'm becoming better at making excuses. "I've got a paper due. I haven't eaten enough today. I'm not hydrated. I don't have enough time."

Time. That one's a killer. I don't understand how actual runners can do it. How do people balance work and exercise? In high school, it was easy: I went to classes and then after school ended I went to practice every day. Not difficult. I had to be there. It was required. Now, it's not. Running has become a hobby. Something I take up when I've got loads of free time and energy.

I need to get serious. It's too late for me to do well at the half-marathon, but I can kick myself in the butt and start looking toward the late summer.

Running is a lifestyle. I can't treat this as a high school infatuation, one day head-over-heels for it and the next day on to whatever catches my eye.

If I've learned anything from these past few months it's that. Running isn't just changing into athletic shorts and adidas shoes and heading out the door. It's a mental state. It's dedication. Right now, It's something I'm terrible at.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not kicking myself to the curb by saying that. I need to refind my motivation, what compelled me to go running when it was 15 degrees out and snowing. What drove me last summer to wake up at 8 a.m. three times a week to run.

I need to find my running muse.